First Friday Back!

Hallelujah, I survived! It’s Friday night, the last weeknight of my first week back at school from Christmas break and I am sitting in my room…blogging…after working a three-hour shift in the dish room. Oh, Fridays!

So happy Friday to you!

The first week went surprisingly well.

First things first, I have a new roommate! Things didn’t work out between my old roommates and me, so on the last day of the fall semester I packed up and settled into a room one floor down with my lovely roommate Bethany. Bethany is so wonderful, it’s as if God specially crafted her to be my roommate and sent her direct from Heaven.

Classes seem to be great so far–I am in three (!!!) psychology classes, a Bible class, a music theory class, and a weight lifting class. The psychology classes are all very diverse in the topics they cover, so I’m excited to go through all of that, and the topics we’ll cover in the Bible class also seem intriguing. The music theory class I’m a bit more intimidated by, and the weight lifting class…well that’s straightforward enough!

This morning I woke up, got ready for the day, at breakfast, then packed up my bag and headed for Beans on Broad, the local favorite coffee shop on Broad Street.

One of my favorite foods and my go-to breakfast: the peanut butter bagel. Yum.

There, I did some Bible study and enjoyed my favorite drink: the Winter Wonderland. I get excited just thinking about it. It’s a white chocolate mocha latte with hazelnut…is your mouth watering yet? It’s even better than it sounds.

After that I headed to my classes for a few hours. In between my 9am class and my 11am class, I ran through this yoga video, which focuses on getting rid of those winter blues. I can’t say I’ve been feeling that winter depression lately, but I certainly have felt lethargic and tired. This definitely refreshed me quite a bit. (Or maybe it was the coffee I had an hour before. Or maybe both.)

After classes were over, I headed to lunch.

 Two soft shell tacos with salsa, lettuce, tomatoes, black beans, and peppers.

After lunch I headed to the campus ministries building for the campus ministries fair they were holding. I’m a member of a Bible study that meets bi-weekly and I’m hoping to find another Bible study that meets more frequently so that I can dive into the word with other girls more often during the week. Unfortunately, there weren’t too many options there, so I headed back to my dorm room feeling a bit dejected. As I was walking down the sidewalk alone, I spotted a small group of people across the way… It was clear to me that the group of people consisted of a couple and two of their friends. The two friends encouraged the couple to go ahead and take a picture together. They took one, and then their friends suggested they try another pose. At that very moment, the sweet guy knelt down on one knee and pulled out a ring…all while their friends photographed the beautiful moment! I glanced around and there was no one else to witness the event but myself. I watched them cry and laugh and kiss and hug, and I marveled at the cleverness of the guy who planned to capture the moment on camera all along. Grinning from ear to ear, I raced up the stairs and burst through the door of my dorm room and, hardly able to catch my breath, I told the whole story to Bethany. Talk about being in the right place at the right time. Witnessing pure happiness is such a blessing.

I quickly changed and headed over to the gym for a half hour on the elliptical. Call me crazy, but that machine is my favorite.

After that, I scarfed down a quick Quest bar to hold me over through my work shift.

Have you tried the new s’mores flavor? It’s to die for. Go over to the Quest website and order a box. Right now. Use code “onaquest” at checkout for free shipping!!!

I have a bar addiction… It’s a problem.

I headed to work. I work in the dish room of the major dining hall at school, and it can get stinky and gross back there. Usually, handling others’ rejected food, I don’t have much of an appetite but for some reason tonight I was ravenous. That Quest bar wasn’t enough after all. I headed out for my quick break and made myself a turkey and hummus sandwich with roasted tomatoes. MMMMMMM.

Then I headed back to my dorm room and here I find myself, working on this blog post.

Let me tell you two more fun, exciting things that I’ll be blogging about a bunch in the days and weeks and months to come:

1. I’m training for a half marathon! I’ve never been much of a runner. I enjoy many other cardio exercises like the elliptical, the stationary bike, Zumba classes–just about anything that isn’t running. But I’ve also never wanted anything as much as I’ve wanted to be a runner. So when my mom proposed the idea of running a half in June, I took her up on the challenge without much thought. Some days I want to punch my past self in the jaw for that. But mostly I’m just thrilled about the challenge and I’m enjoying having a goal to shoot for. 13.1 miles, here I come!
2. I’m applying to be an RA! The application process is rigorous to say the least. It will be quite a task to complete just the application, let alone secure the position. For months while I considered the concept of being an RA, I was nothing short of excited. But now, as it’s becoming more and more of a reality, I’m feeling the fear creeping in. I want it so badly that I want to avoid applying at all. Who wants the feeling of being rejected, the feeling of failure? Not me. But I pray about it daily and I know that wherever God wants me is where I will end up, be it as an RA or as something else entirely. Even if it doesn’t work out the way I hoped, the application process will be a growth experience in itself. I’m leaning on some verses from Acts 20 to get me through:

“And now, behold, I am going to Jerusalem, constrained by the Spirit, not knowing what will happen to me there… But I do not account my life of any value nor as precious to myself, if only I may finish my course and the ministry that I received from the Lord Jesus, to testify to the gospel of the grace of God.” Acts 20: 22, 24

So here I am, going to apply to be an RA, deeply fearing but boldy going, constrained [compelled] by the Spirit, not knowing what will happen to me…but whether it be as an RA or as something entirely different, let my commitments in the coming year be used to further Christ’s ministry on this campus. My prayer is that this would be all about Him and not about me. Because seeing it that way, I cannot ever fail.

Have an amazing weekend.

 

What about you?

What are your goals for the upcoming months? Maybe something you’re excited about? Something you’re scared of? Both?!

What is your favorite breakfast food or favorite coffee drink?

What is the Bible verse that’s been on your heart a lot lately?

Closing the Book on 2014

The end of this year has always been a melancholy time for me. I spend many, many hours between Christmas Eve and tonight, New Years Eve, on the verge tears, and I probably couldn’t completely explain why if my life depended on it. It’s been a painful and wild and beautiful year. A year of change, of fear, and of mourning, but also a year of growth, of learning, and of healing. As I look back, reflecting on the year, I am struck by the difference between the person I was a year ago and the person I have become. It’s a bittersweet thing. This year, I discovered myself, and I won my independence. My growth as a person has been remarkable, and I’ve been blessed in a way that no words can describe. But I’ve also experienced unsettling fear and change. It’s amazing what life can do. They say that sometimes change is beautiful, and sometimes it’s painful, but most of the time it’s both. But it’s amazing how change can creep up on you when you’re not watching. When you wake up each and every morning, going through the motions of school, work, and every other responsibility, it’s easy to feel as if life is at a stand-still. It’s so easy to feel as if every day, we remain unchanged by the situations surrounding us, and by the people we meet, when in actuality, we are constantly being molded and shaped to adjust to the surprises that life sends our way. We, as humans, are good at adapting. That’s what makes holidays like New Year’s so important. It is times like these when we take a step back and analyze the person we’ve become. I don’t think there’s anyone who can say that they are not surprised by the way they’ve changed and grown over the last 365 days. Change is good. Change is healthy. Change is painful, and change is beautiful.

This year, I lost touch with dear friends, and I made many many new ones. This year, I moved out of my old home and into my new one–at college. I started college classes and learned a bit more about what independence tastes like. This year, I grew closer to my family than ever before despite the distance between us. This year I left the country for the first time to serve in San Ramon, Costa Rica during what ended up being the best week of my life–and I felt the heartache of a hundred goodbyes when the week came to an end. This year, I took charge of things that were holding me back and threw them off so I could run, unburdened, full-force into a life of self-love and self-acceptance. This year, I grew. I changed. I learned. I survived. I celebrated. I cried. I rejoiced. I loved recklessly. But most of all, I lived with all my heart. I lived life to the fullest, and I praise God for both the blessings and the struggle it brought me. There is not a day I had this year that I regret.

So this coming year, in 2015, I will not join the chorus of those who say “New year, new me.” Rather than making resolutions, I will continue to work toward the goals I’ve built for myself this year. I will simply take life as it comes. I will live every day as if it were my last. I will surrender my life, every day, every hour, every minute, every second, to a Creator who is bigger than I can ever imagine. If I cannot say at this time next year that there is not something very melancholy about welcoming a new year, then I have not lived as I planned. If I have suffered no loss, then I consider the whole year wasted. For nearly every beautiful and worthwhile thing requires some degree of sacrifice, and I refuse to live so cautiously that I miss out on those beautiful things that await me. I will not live my life in fear, but in surrender to a God who loves me, and to His greater purpose. Sometimes, we are shoved off the path we had planned for ourselves, but when we pick ourselves up, brush ourselves off, and look around, we often find that we are right where we need to be. I thank God so deeply that He allowed my broken and winding path to lead here. We are all placed here on this Earth for a reason. We all have a life in front of us, with a whole confusing network of choices and decisions. We must choose for ourselves what we want this year to look like. Every day offers an opportunity for change. So will we choose to stand up and take it?

Here’s to a new year of growth. In faith, in spirit, in body, and in mind. Here’s to a new year not of frightening change, but of taking steps to a better me. Here’s to 2015. Thank you, Lord, for new beginnings that remind us of all that You have made us capable of.

God Sightings: November

Well, it’s been quite some time–almost a month–since my last post. In true college fashion, the weeks from Thanksgiving break to now (so close to Christmas break) have been relentlessly hectic. Papers, exams, finals, grades–it’s been a crazy mess!

But now that classes have drawn to a close (yesterday was my last day of classes, and I just have a few finals left!) I finally have some time to sit down and recap November and the little bit of December I’ve enjoyed so far. So here’s how God has been working in my life lately.

God has been teaching me about confidence, self-worth, and pride. I recently stumbled across a pin on Pinterest that said the following: “Confidence is not ‘They will like me.’ Confidence is ‘I will be fine if they don’t.'” I’ve found that when practicing self-talk in order to motivate and encourage myself, I often remind myself of things like “People like me,” and “People like to spend time with me.” And I certainly do hope that’s true. But by approaching it in this way, I’m leaving out a crucial question: What if people don’t like me? What then? If I repeat to myself that I am valuable because people like me, then how is that any better than disliking myself? True self love originates in the realization that I, a broken human being, am worthy, valuable, and precious because God has made me so. If many other humans like me, then I am popular and valuable. If they don’t, I am equally valuable and still inherently loved beyond comprehension by a God who transcends fractured worldly relationships.

Of course, believing this as the truth is far easier said than done. As humans, we seek approval from those we are in relationship with, and when we don’t receive it we take it deeply personally and are worn down by it. But the most important thing we can do is to remember what God intends for us in regards to our self-esteem and self-worth: He wants to be our only source of it. In Christ, we are accepted, worthy, renewed, and valued–not by our own merit, but by the grace of God. Ephesians 2:4-6 reads: “But because of His great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive in Christ even when we were dead in transgressions–it is by grace you have been saved. And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with Him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus.” Regardless of the worldly treasures and approval we may or may not gain, we have the everlasting approval, love, and value with our God who created us and loves us every moment, good or bad.

I am a people pleaser. No matter who I come into contact with, I want to feel as though I am liked and admired. This is something I struggle with, and probably always will struggle with. Because of it, I find myself becoming prideful, blurring the line between wanting to be a kind, giving person, and wanting to be known as a kind, giving person. This distinction, though small, is a powerful one. Who am I doing all of this for? Am I doing it for others, and for God? Or am I doing it for my own acclaim? I tend to think in a lot of circumstances, my desire to have a good impression trumps my desire to show selfless and Christ-like love. How silly to think that after Christ’s sacrifice, after the God and Creator of the universe has called me precious and valuable, I continue to seek the approval of humans and of the world. My prayer is that God will continue to convict me and help me to grow in this area. I want God to take me into a deeper, more passionate, more mature faith and in order for Him to do that, I need to let go of my need for acclaim.

In addition to all of this, I’ve also been reminded of how closely God intervenes in our lives sometimes. Nothing is too small for Him. Keep on having faith that He’s working it all together. And if I can share a bit of an email from a friend this week, “Rest in His care for all things big and small with this situation.”

Have an amazing rest of this December!

Here are some pictures to sum up the last month:

 

My friend Rachel and I attended the Students for Liberty Regional Conference at Duquesne University this month!

A gorgeous picture my sister took while cutting down our Christmas tree the day after Thanksgiving.

My Thanksgiving outfit!

–

–

It’s been a while since we had a sunny day here in Grove City.

But the halls are full of creativity and Christmas spirit!

 

What about you?

How has God been working in your life this past month?

Where do you feel He may be leading you in the month to come?

God Sightings: October

“There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man; true nobility is being superior to your former self.”

– Ernest Hemingway

So, today is Halloween. The last day of October. I’m currently typing up this post in the library while sitting across from a girl in full hobbit garb, complete with bare feet. Props to all the people walking unashamedly around campus in their elaborate costumes. I saw another girl with some seriously intricate tiger face paint. I’m talking like, her art skills rival da Vinci. Halloween is a weird holiday.

Anyway, despite all of the Halloween craziness that surrounds me, I’m excited to do my second monthly recap of where I’ve seen God working in my life over the last month.

During the month of October, God taught me lot about relationships. Over the last thirty-one days, I have, of course, done a lot of work in the friendship department. Making new friends, getting used to the roommate situation, watching as everyone separates off into their own “groups.” And through all of that, God has taught me a lot of things:

Gossip is a brutal, ugly thing.

You don’t have to feel kindly toward someone; you only have to act it. God will change your heart and take care of the rest.

You don’t always have to be right. Spend more time listening than you do trying to prove yourself correct.

If you are unhappy with a relationship, it is okay to walk away.

Be kind to every single person you live near, everyone you pass daily, everyone you see often.

Make an effort to learn and remember as many names as you possibly can, and use them always.

God can bless friendships so tremendously, but we must seek His heart in those friendships. Everyone’s always going to tell you, “The job of a Christian is to be like Christ and to represent Him.” But I know I am usually pretty sucky at doing that. I know for certain that I struggle with a sense of pride and self-righteousness. I always love to feel like I am right, and as a result I’m not always the best listener. I find it enormously difficult to let things go; I need to feel like they have been fully resolved and that I was the one who made that happen. I have found myself praying for humility daily this month. I remember learning in youth group that when you pray for things like humility, patience, etc., God doesn’t miraculously infuse you with these qualities so that you’re instantaneously patient. Instead, he gives you opportunities to be patient, and in those opportunities you can grow. And God certainly gave me enough chances this month to practice humility.

Last night, I went to my favorite worship service of the whole week: Warriors. From 9-10pm, we just sing worship songs and meditate on a few scripture verses. Last night, we sang one I haven’t heard in a while: “I Surrender All.”

What a wonderful moment it was as I sang that with my hands lifted, like a beautiful reminder from God as the month comes to a close: “Surrender it all, good and bad. The major crises and the minor ones. Everything you struggle with. Surrender it, and let me shape your heart to make it look a little more like mine.”

“I surrender all. I surrender all. All to Thee, my blessed Savior, I surrender all.”

Amen.

Here are some photos to recap a this month. And Happy Halloween!

AO Glow was in the beginning of the month. Such a fun dance with glow-in-the-dark neon paint!

The weather is getting colder and colder, and ice cream is looking less and less delicious…but it’s still fall, and pumpkin flavored things will always be a good idea. More pumpkin ice cream, please!

Can’t complain about the study spots I’ve found.

My RAs organized a session to mod podge some prayer journals.

What about you?

How have you seen God working in your life this October?

The Comparison Trap

Working on this post has been quite a hilarious process for me. I started my first draft with the line “I am physically incapable of curling my hair,” which was true at the time. For these first nineteen years of my life, every hair-curling venture has ended in utter failure. I’ve been super quick to get frustrated with myself for this. It’s not that I’ve spent all my waking moments wishing I could curl my hair for the sake of having curly hair; it’s more that the act of hair curling signified to me some greater qualification of girlhood for which I never made the cut.

It wasn’t just the bouncy curls. Beneath them, the quintessential girly girls had the shimmering (never creasing) eyeshadow, the alarmingly precise eyeliner, and the dewy golden skin. I, on the other hand, have always been cursed with smeary eye makeup and pretty reliable breakouts and an equally lamentable lack of motivation to spend more than five minutes in the morning doing anything about it.

These struggles with my girlhood have always followed an up-and-down pattern, and I guess when I was home on fall break this past weekend I was experiencing the “up” part, because for whatever reason I saw a curling wand on sale at Target and snagged it. Maybe I soaked up some girliness by osmosis from my roommates since coming to college, or maybe the wand was a literal magic wand, not just a curling wand, but whatever the reason, I got home and practiced and I suddenly just learned how! Here’s proof:

So my original plan for this post was to use the idea of not being able to curl my hair as an example of the many ways I (and most of us ladies) fall into the trap of comparing myself with other girls, but since my hair breakthrough, I think I have a bit of a different angle to take on it now. I deleted that first line, and here’s what I want to say now:

I used to truly and honestly feel inadequate because of the fact that I couldn’t do something as simple as curling my hair. It was a source of real, honest-to-goodness embarrassment for me. And not just the hair; the clothes, too, the shoes, the jewelry. (How in the world do people actually accessorize? That’s like pro-level stuff.) The feeling it did, and still often does, give me is a feeling similar to the way a high school freshman would likely feel in a room full of seniors. Young, inferior. Like I haven’t quite “grown into” their stage of girl-ness. As if someday, I’ll wake up and suddenly be interested in wearing jewelry, or choosing shoes to match my outfit and my incarnation will be complete.

But the truth of the matter is, I am not that type of person. God made me a lot of things, but “fashionable” isn’t one. And that’s okay. I can learn to curl my hair, and I can learn to dress and talk as if I’m a part of that “older” crowd, but at the end of the day, editing myself to suit the assessments I make of other people is not going to make me feel any better. I learned to curl my hair like I’d practically cried over for my high school years, and I don’t feel different. I don’t feel like I am an inherently better person for it.

When we make these assessments of ourselves and of other people, perhaps it would be a good idea to remind ourselves that we are different people. We all take joy in different things, have different talents, choose to pass our time with different things, and like different foods, TV shows, dresses, hairstyles. Have you ever rebuked your banana for not tasting as tart and refreshing as your orange? Of course not. That would be stupid; they’re totally different fruits. That’s a silly example for a very real, important thing that happens. God created us each as perfect, beautiful, and special in our own very unique ways.

The typical cliche goes: “Comparison is the thief of joy.”

How incredibly true is that? When you actually think about it, comparison is entirely a choice. Why are we actively taking from ourselves the joy that exists in accepting ourselves as God made us?

Something happened recently that forced me to finally sit down and write this blog post. College is such a tumultuous time, and it’s been a looming challenge to avoid gauging my success thus far based on how many friends I’ve made. I believe I got too focused on making a large quantity of friends, as opposed to making a high quality of friends. Where did this leave me? It left me in probably the strangest situation I’ve ever felt. Surrounded by friends, who I didn’t actually understand. Making jokes about shows I’ve never watched, getting excited about sales at stores I’ve never liked and can never afford. Why would I do that to myself? I think it’s because these were the types of girls I’ve always wanted to be. Popular, outgoing, put-together on the outside. And guess what? I still felt weirdly sad and lonely.

Each time I felt out of place with them, each time I felt like an outsider, I wanted to mope. I wanted to feel sorry for myself. But the last time I felt this way, I made a different decision. I left the room, found another friend down the hall, and forced myself to sit down and talk with her–just talk. And sure enough, we sat in the hallway together for long past midnight.

It all just made sense.

I spent all of high school moping. I spent all of high school being afraid of just being me. Don’t I owe it to myself to have a happy four years at college after all of that mess? Don’t I owe it to myself to find friends who will make me feel good about myself? (What a concept, right?)

So I learned to curl my hair. That’s a fun thing to do when I want to feel more dressed up than usual sometimes. But I don’t curl my hair because I feel like I need to. I spent a glorious afternoon today in my sweatshirt and yoga pants, talking to some new faces about topics I actually love to discuss. Is it any surprise I felt more confident and fulfilled doing that today than I felt the past few weeks?

So why all the comparison? I am not her–the quintessential girly girl who has it all together. But she is not me, either. And I have some pretty wonderful things to offer.

God made us so carefully and intentionally. No number of inspirational blog posts is going to heal the funny, defective part of us that always wants to rank us in order of best-to-worst with everyone we know. But maybe we can just try to remember: God makes beautiful things. He made you, He made me. Who we are is so very right.

Let’s not get caught up in things like curling hair. Let’s remember who we are–and whose we are.

What about you?

Is the comparison trap an easy one for you to fall into?

What’s something you love about yourself, unrelated to your appearance?

Recap: Fall Break

I have never been a very easily-stressed-out kind of person. I get anxiety about certain things like anyone would, but schoolwork has never necessarily been one of those things. Maybe it’s confidence; maybe it’s denial. I tend to lean more toward the second option, as I never really stress at all for the entire week leading up to the due date of a major paper…until the night before when I find myself scrambling to somehow collect my fragmented thoughts and string them into sentences, enough of them to fill six to eight correctly formatted pages.

I’m a procrastinator, but I’m that deadly subtype of procrastinators where I really truly do not care that I am procrastinating until the adrenaline kicks in at midnight the night before.

Anyway, regardless of the fact that I am inherently calmer than the majority of my friends, the existence of academic and social pressure is an undeniable truth of college life. The culture practically exudes stress.

So naturally, for the past several weeks, the buzz on campus centered on one thing and one thing only: fall break.

Fall break is when they let us head home after midterms and get our thoughts (and our lives) back together in the comfort of our own house, our own town, with our own family. After classes got out on Wednesday, I packed up and headed to dinner, and enjoyed this lovely sunset on my last night at school for several days.

It was late when I arrived home, but I was still perfectly awake enough to enjoy the beauty of crawling into my own bed with my younger sister sleeping quietly across the room. As much as I love it at school, there’s something so comfortable about being with your family.

Thursday night, my dad made a favorite meal of mine, and we enjoyed dinner together, all six of us finally at one table again.

On Friday, my super cool mom let my sisters stay home from school and we got to hang out together all day. Of course, I was more than eager to take as many trips to Dunkin Donuts and Wawa as possible…I miss them more than almost anything else while I’m away at school!

Later on, I played mom for the night and took my little sister and her friend to the elementary school’s Fall Festival. Visiting that school is always one of my favorite things to do. It seems that each time I return to visit, the hallways get a little shorter and the ceilings sink a little lower. I know it’s just me getting older, taller. But the school itself is always one of my favorite ways to gauge the slow but certain passage of time. Getting older is a weird thing to do. I love being able to watch my littlest sister enjoy her time being little, and I wish I could put her life in slow motion and keep her my baby sister forever.

Saturday was my favorite day of being home. In the morning, my sister Erin and I went on a breakfast date to our favorite diner at home. I naturally got chocolate chip pancakes, as usual. Why mess with a good thing?

We headed home after breakfast, and my family piled in the car to Linvilla Orchards to go apple picking, which is a treasured yearly tradition. I am amazed how easily I slipped right back into my family’s daily life after two months that felt more like two years.

I am so blessed to have been able to do one of my favorite fall traditions in my favorite season with my favorite people.

That night, we spent the evening with my grandfather and my cousins to celebrate Halloween a bit early.

Sunday afternoon, after I visited our church for the first time in a while, we packed up the car and headed back to campus. As we neared Grove City, this gorgeous sunset followed us for almost half an hour, changing into a brilliant pink before it went dark. 

Going home and seeing my family after two months was one of the best things that happened to me this weekend. Coming back to campus and seeing all my friends again was the other. Some people say that college can be difficult because it’s a rootless time, in a way–college is not quite home, but home doesn’t fit right anymore either. After this weekend, I can say with confidence that I have two homes in this world. I have two places in which I feel I can be myself, and in which I have people who love me and know me, through and through.

And speaking of home, I finally, finally put the finishing touches on my dorm when I got home last night. Welcome to my home away from home.

I am blessed. This is a good, good life I have been given here at college. Thank you, Jesus.

Missing the Point: The Fundamental Body Image Problem

If there is one thing I’ve learned from living with a whole bunch of girls my age, 24/7, in a dorm setting, it’s that girls absolutely love to talk about their bodies.

Their own bodies, each other’s bodies, all bodies.

Well, I’m not sure that they actually enjoy it all that much, but it’s certainly a part of the culture. A big part. I guess I knew that well enough before coming to college, but I think maybe I’d hoped that the body-obsession was a strictly adolescent thing and that it would fade like a distant memory upon moving into college.

Not so. I don’t really even know why I thought that. Body-obsession is a human–particularly female–affliction. It’s a disease that attacks your brain from the inside out, changing everything you ever thought you knew or liked about your body. Welcome to the twenty-first century: we have Instagram and other social media (selfies and mirror pics galore), reality TV shows (does The Biggest Loser ring a bell? What Not To Wear? Or maybe the more generic TV shows where the digs at people’s bodies and appearances are a bit more subtle…but still there), mobile internet (workout & diet tips, and calorie trackers at a tap of the finger…or a pin, a retweet, a reblog), and the best of all: photoshop. I think it’s fair to say that we are becoming increasingly visible to our peers by the minute. So it seems to make sense that for us women–who I believe have always been vulnerable to comparison and to a heightened desire to meet certain beauty standards–all of this technology and social media is yet another avenue by which we can get even better at comparing ourselves to other women and believing terrible things about ourselves.

But I think all of our body image issues can be summed up in this one single sentence: We are missing the point. 

We are missing the point because we are expecting things from our bodies for which they were not created. We are expecting perfection. We are expecting thighs free of cellulite and a stomach flat as a slab of wood–except that we’re not made of wood; we are flesh-and-blood human women, and it’s beneficial to have enough space in your abdomen to contain all of your vital organs.

Let’s at least consider for a moment that God knew what He was doing when He created us women. There is no question whatsoever when studying creation that it was orchestrated by a remarkably intelligent, creative, powerful being. Let’s unpack this. Let’s talk about the DNA molecule. This minuscule, self-duplicating, complex collection of information contains within it the ability to create from raw biological material an incredibly complex, living, breathing human being capable of high-level thinking, analysis, language, and interaction. Some chalk this up to random chance. But when you truly consider the uniqueness and complexity that occurs from nearly nothing (even the universe itself, scientists and creationists can agree, appeared almost spontaneously out of a massive emptiness and was set into perfect motion), it’s impossible not to bow at the feet of the Creator who orchestrated it all.

Okay, so there’s no doubt about it. God’s creation is awe-inspiring, and simply too wonderful to fully comprehend.

But now consider this: You and I are a part of God’s creation as well.

When God created His universe, He created all of the matter that would ever exist in all of creation. Adam and Eve, the very first human beings, carried the DNA that would be split, duplicated, and passed on over centuries and millennia to eventually create you. Everything that God created, He created with a purpose. His creation was intended for His children to be both beautiful and functional, enjoyable and useful.

So what is the point of all this?

Here is the whole entire point–the point that we have been missing since we were placed here on this Earth, the fundamental problem that causes all of our body image issues: Our bodies are instruments, but we treat them like ornaments.

The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines instrument in the following way: “a tool or device used for a particular purpose; especially a tool or device designed to do careful and exact work.”

You and I, as women of God, were designed to do careful and exact work. We were designed to bear children, and in this miraculous ability we are blessed to be like our Creator: by creating life. We were designed with strong legs to carry us from place to place, bringing Christ’s gospel, fellowshipping with others, and walking or running to keep our beating hearts strong and healthy. We were designed with arms and hands for giving and serving those in need, for picking up our children, for writing letters and stories, baking cookies, reading books, bandaging cuts, playing music, and mowing the lawn. Before anything else, we are remarkably productive, sophisticated, and capable beings.

Unfortunately, we easily forget about this aspect of ourselves. We instead want our legs to be thin and cellulite-free, our stomachs to be flat and ‘toned,’ our arms to be strong (not ‘flabby’). We judge–even punish–our bodies for not looking a certain way rather than appreciating them for everything that they enable us to do.

What a revolutionary concept it is to consider that perhaps a woman is more than her body. We all have bodies, and we all can do some pretty crazy stuff with them. Have you ever seen those people who can fold themselves up so tightly that they can fit into a small glass box? Okay, we can’t all do that. But when you consider some of the things we can do, it’s pretty mind-blowing.

One of my professors shared a story with us about an interaction she had with her young daughter. She came home from a ballet class one evening and confessed to her mother that some girls in her class had taunted her, saying that she had fat legs. Her mother responded “They’re not fat, they’re strong. Look how beautifully they help you to dance!” Just think how different things would be if, like my professor’s response to her daughter, we all committed to appreciating our bodies for what they are capable of, rather than what they look like.

After all, our bodies are not our own. They are merely our physical homes for this fleeting life on Earth. They are vessels, instruments of the work God has called us to while we’re here. Consult 1 Corinthians 6:19-20:

Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.

How amazing. You were bought with a price. Jesus Christ willingly gave His life for the cellulite and stretch marks and excess fat that you cry over, and He breathed His very Spirit into the body that you fight so hard. Proverbs 31 says that “charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting.” Jesus Christ does not love you deeply and desperately because you have a great butt and washboard abs. He loves you simply because you belong to Him, and He has made you worthy of love. Your body is God’s gift to you–a tool for enjoying the many aspects of the creation He gifted us with. To take care of our bodies, to be grateful for them, to use them as the instruments God made them for rather than the ornament we want to make them into–these are our duties as stewards of God’s gift of our physical bodies.

Commit yourself to actively appreciating your body for its capabilities. Vow to give more compliments to others on their personality and talents than you give on their appearance. Promise to quit weighing yourself and counting calories. Actively seek to view messages about beauty from the media and from social media with a critical eye. Be gentle with yourself. Your body is exactly as God created it to be.

To close, as I was doing some reading and research as inspiration for this blog post, I stumbled across this fantastic new music video for Colbie Caillat’s “Try.” Watch it, and be inspired. Beauty is not skin-deep; it is a mindset, a belief you choose to accept about yourself. Find your worth in your Savior–He loves you more deeply than you can ever fathom. He commands the stars, He carved the Grand Canyon, He calls the oceans to rise, and still He calls you beautiful, His most beloved.

God Sightings: September

“Months are different in college, especially freshman year. Too much happens. Every freshman month equals six regular months—they’re like dog months.”

Rainbow Rowell, Fangirl

Well, it’s already been more than a month! And oddly enough, it feels to me like it’s time for the semester to be coming to an end. So much life and activity has been packed into such a short time. Formals, homecoming, exams, midterms, bonfires, and room changes–I’ve had more than a year’s worth of thrills and experiences, and it’s only been a month.

Now that September has drawn to a close, it feels appropriate to reflect on where God has been present for me this month, and I plan to do this at the change of each month. I’m blessed to attend a college where Christ is very much present and alive in my fellow students and in the girls I live with, but it seems that since He’s so present all the time, it’s become something that I take for granted. There is nothing I want more than to continue to find small things like hall Bible studies and one-on-one prayer with new friends special for as long as I am blessed to have them.

One of the most powerful ways that God makes Himself present to me is in the weekly Thursday night Warriors of God worship service offered in the chapel at 9pm. Warriors, though simple (it’s an hour of singing hymns and contemporary songs, sprinkled with two or three scripture readings), is poignant and intimate. I made the joke two weeks ago that I think I look forward to Warriors more than I look forward to the weekend, but incredibly, I’m not exaggerating when I say this. I walk out from the chapel at 10:00 every Thursday night feeling refreshed and encouraged. God speaks differently to all of us, but for me, He uses music to touch my heart more than any other means. Led by the talented student musicians on the Warriors worship team, I am reminded each and every week how much my Heavenly Father and I love each other.

Another seriously amazing thing God gave me this month was the yearly freshmen retreat that Grove City College puts on.

We woke up bright and early at 7:00 am, packed buses with 50 freshmen, and headed to Camp Carl in Ravenna, Ohio where we spent all day Saturday and Sunday. I had my hesitations before we left–I didn’t know anyone else going on the retreat, I had homework to do, I wanted to sleep in on Saturday, etc., etc. I joked with my friends and with my mom that the more I dreaded the trip, the more powerfully God would use it for His purposes in my life–and apparently, I wasn’t kidding. The weekend’s talks centered on the theme of affliction and grace. How does God comfort us in our affliction? How can we use this in order to better comfort others? What does grace really mean? What does that truth mean for us? Together we explored these topics.

After our Sunday morning talk, we were sent out into the camp’s numerous trails to experience a prayer walk and seek out some one-on-one time with God. For an hour, in complete and utter silence, among the trees and in the late September chill, my Heavenly Father drew nearer to me than I had felt in quite some time. I tend to rely too heavily on the “spiritual highs” and grow weary in the “spiritual lows.” This summer, I spent a week doing mission work in San Ramon, Costa Rica and enjoyed the worship and fellowship and was blessed to watch God doing His redemptive work in the people of rural Costa Rica. Still, I couldn’t help but feel like something was missing. It had been a long time since God had powerfully made His presence known to me. I had faith all summer that He was doing this intentionally–He was asking me to trust Him and seek Him out, even especially in the times when it’s hard to feel and see Him. But finally, this weekend, He reached out to me in that tangible way I’d been longing for. Reduced to tearful blubbering sitting by the creek, I just sat still and enjoyed feeling Him beside me, grateful, humbled.

Plus, the whole experience was just a ton of fun. I met wonderful people I otherwise would never have crossed paths with, and enjoyed fellowshiping and worshiping with them. I feel blessed to have been able to watch God working in their lives as well, as we shared tearful prayer and worship on Sunday afternoon.

Retreats and worship services are two of the biggest ways God has been able to work in me; my entire life, this has been true. But one of the most wonderful things I have experienced this month that I’m entirely not used to is the prevalence of prayer, all around me. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 says:

Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Jesus Christ for you.

It’s hard to understand that “pray without ceasing” thing–does Paul literally mean that we should be in prayer every moment of every day? I believe that he is speaking to a very important aspect of a healthy spiritual life: living prayerfully. This doesn’t mean that we need to constantly be praying, every moment, and that we should avoid conversation with friends and family in favor of praying in solitude instead. Instead, it means that we as Christians should seek to be constantly lifting our thoughts to Christ. Offering little prayers throughout the day–praying before a meal, before an exam, while walking from class to class, when experiencing some homework stress–is the most effective way of anchoring our hearts to Christ, day in and day out, and keeping our thoughts on “things above.” And here at school, I am so blessed to say, my professors and my peers alike are a beautiful example of a prayerful lifestyle. Each of my professors opens class with a prayer–each and every one! It is not uncommon to walk around campus past two friends with heads bowed and hands joined in prayer. Each residence hall shares in hall prayer and worship. The majority of students whisper grace before each meal. Prayer is literally a way of life; you can’t escape from it if you wanted to! As someone who has always struggled with constantly abiding in Christ throughout the day and remaining in prayer, the growth I have experienced in this regard has been remarkable, and I thank God always for bringing me into this setting where He and I can draw near to one another. How amazing is it that the Creator of the universe pursues us in this way?

All my life, I just want to be an outpouring of gratitude to Christ who gives me everything I need and everything I want, and everything I do not deserve.

Here are some more little snapshots of all of God’s blessings this month.

Northern Hospitality freshman formal.

Kayaking on the Allegheny.

I got to visit my very best friend for a weekend!

Homecoming 2014.

My sweet family came to visit for Homecoming weekend!

My fabulous new friends threw me a surprise party for my 19th birthday.

AND THE DINING HALL HAD PUMPKIN ICE CREAM! (Little things, okay?!)

The First Two Weeks.

Well, here I am! I am officially in college, and I’m here to stay. It’s been a whirlwind to say the least. I’m not sure if there has been any aspect of life in which I have not been challenged. I’ve rethought my style, the ways in which I display my personality, the friends and company I want to keep, the way I want to organize and decorate my dorm, the food I want to eat, and how to glorify God in all of that. Like I said…it’s been a whirlwind. But I suppose I’ll start just by walking through it all in pictures.

Day one, we pulled into the parking lot and waited for quite some time before we were able to pull our car around for unloading. When we finally did, I climbed out of the car, backpack slung over my shoulder, to scribble my name on a few papers. When I finished, I headed back outside to grab the rest of my possessions and what do you know…they were all gone! The ever fabulous Orientation Board members had come and whisked all of my supplies away and were already in the process of getting it up to my room. Once everything was all set up and arranged after an hour or so, my sweet little spot looked something like this:

And here you’ll meet my lovely roommates, Rachel (center) and Jaime (left):

 

(We like black flip flops apparently).

Throughout the welcome week(/weekend), we had the opportunity to enjoy a series of wonderful events, including all-campus worship services and dances.

Early morning Saturday sunrise service outside the chapel.

All campus worship at sunset.

Our dorms are exclusively single gender, and the men’s dorms are located on the opposite side of campus from us. It may not, then, come as a surprise to hear that there is very little mingling of men and women outside of class and mealtimes. Therefore, each freshman women’s hall is paired with a freshman men’s hall, and together we join in various activities such as scavenger hunts and game nights. One night during welcome week, we met the guys down on the lower fields to play some games (mostly cheesy ice-breaker type things) and after just a few moments of running around and enjoying ourselves, it seems the sky sprung a leak and it began to pour down rain. Just before racing into the nearby gazebo with the fifty other people there with me (who actually, together, broke the floor of the gazebo we sought refuge in with our collective weight…but that’s another story), I had time to capture this picture. A rainbow. Nothing has been more meaningful to both my mom and me as a sign of hope through everything I’ve gone through to get here. It seemed to be a sign from God–it was over. Finished. I made it. I am where I need to be, where God has called me all my life up to this point.

The rest of the two weeks has been filled with plenty of cookie baking…

…bonding with my roommates…

…oh, and also studying.

How blessed am I that I actually get to study the Bible…for homework?!

All in all, it’s been a week of lavish blessings by God. I have an average of three classes each day, and every professor opens class with a prayer. I have taken one assessment so far, and my professor prayed with us before that, too. My Intro to Christian Ministries professor takes prayer requests at the beginning of each class, and prays over them with us. In my Civilization class, I had the privilege of listening to my professor, an extraordinary (and extraordinarily INTELLIGENT) man of God, explain to us through the lens of history and ancient culture the meaning of the puzzling phrase that we are “made in the image of God.” Each class contains the learning objective of connecting the material to a Christian worldview–for example, what do different theories of social psychology say about how God created us to relate to one another, and to Him? After all, God created us to love and be loved–by our friends, our family, and most importantly, by Him. And here at Grove City College, I am blessed to have the opportunity for all of those things.

I joke that it’s as if I’m going to college in just a large youth group type setting, but in all seriousness, I truly do walk day in and day out feeling as if I am in constant fellowship with other people who love the Lord and seek to serve Him alone.

Me on my first day of classes.

While I surely have many more adjustments left to make, friends to meet, and subjects to learn…I already feel as though God has begun the major task (and miracle!) of turning me into exactly the person He always intended for me to be. And in my overwhelming gratitude, I in turn praise Him for His goodness and faithfulness for bringing me here, to Grove City College, to do all that growing, learning, strengthening of my faith, and spreading of my wings.

“Be truly glad. There is wonderful joy ahead.” 1 Peter 1:6